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November 26, 1990 (my birthday!)
(top of column)

WELL, AS W.C. Fields said, "Start the day
with a laugh and get it over with." The only
snicker at hand is an ad for California Cryobank
Inc. on Addison St. in Berkeley, which features
a sperm bank offering "Frozen 'Quarantined' Se-
men for Donor Insemination. Over 150 Donors.
Local Delivery Available." Warns Dr. Flash Gor-
don, who sent me the ad: "Don't get their phone
number mixed up with Domino's."

* * *

December 4, 1992
(end of column)
. . . Dr Flash Gor-
don, hanging out at the terrific Booksmith
bookstore on Haight Wed. night, asked "did
you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper?"
"you mean the one who sold his soul to San-
ta?" I replied. "you're no fun at all," said
Flash, disappearing in a flash into the rain.
Have a good weekend, doing whoever where-
er. Whatever.

* * *

November 22, 1994
(first paragraph)

Dr. Flash Gordon flashes: "can't prove it, but I
hear that the Florida Citrus Commission has
offered to pay O.J.'s legal fees if he'll change his
first name to "Snapple" . . .

* * *

(right after the Panama invasion)

. . . All through the long weekend,
Dr. Flash Gordon, bodacious punster, couldn't
resist singing "Have yourself a Merry Little
Isthmus!" Enough to drive you crazy . . .

* * *

October 26, 1987
End of column
. . .

WONDERFUL: Dr. Flash Gordon of the
Haigh-Ashbury Free MEd Clinic got a com-
puter program called "Managing your Mon-
ey" to help him organize a budget and discov-
ered it contains a "Quote of the Day." On the
morning after last wk's big crash, it quoted
Fred Schwed's "Your average Wall Streeter,
faced with nothing profitable to do, does
nothing for only a brief time. Then, suddenly
and hysterically, he does something which
turns out to be extremely unprofitable. He is
not a lazy man." Too bad, that.

* * *

Sept. 11, 1986 (top of column)

DR. FLASH GORDON of the Haight-Ash-
bury Med Clinic forwards the fancy brochure
for yet another phone "service" -- this one
called Yellow Phone, with the title registered
and everything. After four pages of the usual
bull, we get to an example of how the thing
works. Ready: "Dial 415-765-4322. Spell the first
keyword (on your phone), e.g. P-I-Z-Z-A. Then
spell the second keyword, e.g. D-E-L-I-V-E-R-Y.
Then spell the city of your zip, e.g. S-F or ---.
Listen to the listings and select one by pressing 2
on your telephone. You will be connected to that
establishment." OK, go ahead. Dial P-I-Z-Z-A.
Well? What are you waiting for?

[NOTE: when i sent this to Herb, phones didn't have the letter "Z"]

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